Better Mondays - Chapter Fourteen
Better Mondays - Chapter Fourteen
Use Ethical Manipulation to Work Your Way to the Top
Here’s the next Free Chapter of Better Mondays.
Previous issues:
Better Mondays - Is This Book For You? Notes From the Author
Chapter Seven - The Importance of Corporate Culture and Its Influence on Your Career
Chapter Eight - Draw a Line Between Your Personal and Business Life (And Keep it Flexible)
Chapter Eleven –Bring the Right Kind of Attention to Yourself
Chapter Thirteen – Meetings: They’re Not Going Away, So Make Them Serve You!
Use Ethical Manipulation to Work Your Way to the Top
We typically associate the word manipulation with coercion or exploitation. There’s often the implication of controlling or forcing someone to do something they wouldn’t ordinarily want to do.
That’s one definition.
Here’s another, and this is the one that counts: Using your communication skills to persuade and influence others.
Persuading and influencing have always been recognized as important aspects of selling. And since we spend most of our time trying to sell something to someone—for example, coaxing our spouse into trying a new Mexican food restaurant, encouraging our teenage daughter to give up smoking, or convincing our boss we’re worth every bit of an eight percent raise instead of five—we’re constantly involved in persuading and influencing.
In a business context, using a strategy of persuasion and influence can be extremely powerful, especially when you need to make an impact on those who have the authority to make a difference in your career.
But here’s the problem: Most of us use only a fraction of our ability to influence others. This is especially true when we communicate our thoughts and desires in a way that makes them difficult to understand. If we want others to make a difference in our favor, we need to consider their preferred method of receiving input from the outside world. And that often means using more than our vocabulary.
Our goal is to improve our communication with others by conveying ideas and concepts with less vagueness or confusion.
Essentially, it’s tailoring your delivery to match the way others want to receive it.
The first step is to determine how an individual processes information, especially when making decisions. For example, when the boss comes to a positive conclusion, does she usually jump to the endgame and then look back to determine the necessary steps it took to get there? If so, your presentation should paint a picture of what you want to accomplish in its final form, complete with its associated features and benefits. Then offer a concise review of the activities required to accomplish it. In other words, if the person you’re trying to convince wants to hear about the bottom line first—the result, advantages, and benefits—then evaluate the cost based on the steps necessary to achieve it, that’s the way to make your presentation.
If this sounds illogical or complicated, it’s because you’re not used to doing it that way. You may be so accustomed to using a single channel of delivery—based on your own preferences of how you describe the world around you—that you’ve assumed it’s also the way everyone else processes what they see, hear, and feel. Your method of presenting thoughts and ideas may be sensible, logical, and straightforward for you, but it may not be the ideal method for your listener, especially if you want them to agree with you.
Let’s go back to our example of the boss who automatically jumps to the endgame and then looks back on what it took to get there.
If you ignore this individual’s preferred method of processing information and take the reverse approach—first describing all the details necessary to plan, prepare, and execute the steps to accomplish the end-goal, then reveal the bottom-line payoff as your big finish—she’ll become bored, anxious, or indifferent. She may even say something like, “I don’t think we’re speaking the same language.”
The key to effective communication is to match the preferred modalities of your listener. And before you dismiss this idea as overly complicated or too involved, you should know that by making just a few adjustments, you often become easier to understand, and your ideas earn greater credibility—by that specific individual.
Adjusting the order of your presentation is only one variable that can improve your communication skills. Here’s a couple more:
Adjust the rate of your speech. How fast does the other person usually speak? Do the words pour from their mouth at a machine-gun rate? Or do they speak slowly, purposely, pausing between words and sentences to give weight and authority to each thought? Matching your rate of speech to that of the listener will typically result in better rapport and increased understanding. And here’s a real bonus: You’ll often be considered more intelligent by that individual!
Match their primary representational system. Listen to the specific words they commonly use. If you’re listening to someone who is in “visual mode,” you’ll typically hear words and phrases like, it’s clear, bright, I see, take a look, I can’t see myself doing that, it’s just too dark to go there, and other visually-oriented words (called predicates).
On the other hand, someone who is more of an “auditory” is sensitive to the sound of the spoken word. They’re listening and processing information from the pitch and tonality of the speaker. They use phrases like, I hear you, it’s clear as a bell, it’s whisper-quiet down here, listen to this, it sounds like, and so on.
The third “type” of representational systems is called kinesthetic,” referring to those who usually process conversation by developing a feeling about the subject. These folks need to get a handle on things, touch base, will tell you it doesn’t feel right, it’s not comfortable, may want to take it out for a spin, run it up the flagpole, get their hands around it, and so on.
Avoid making the mistake of labeling anyone a permanent visual, auditory, or kinesthetic.
An individual’s representational system can change quickly, based on the subject and the environment. But if you listen intently and identify the primary predicates being used, you can determine how your listener is processing information at that time, and then match the representation system they’re using. How will you know if and when you’re in sync with your listener? Both of you will get the sense that you’re on the same page. Get it?
These suggestions are derived from Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP) and are simple processes that can be used to quickly establish rapport with others. While there are lots of books available about NLP, an in-person learning experience with lots of practice sessions is the best way to master the technology. If you want to know more about NLP and how to use it effectively, do an online search to find a weekend class or seminar.
Thanks for reading,
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Roger A. Reid, Ph.D. is a certified NLP trainer with degrees in engineering and business. Roger is the author of Better Mondays and Speak Up, and host of Success Point 360 Podcast, offering tips and strategies for achieving higher levels of career success and personal fulfillment in the real world.